You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
