Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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