Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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