ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
