i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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