I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
