If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
