I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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