Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You smell like stripper and shame
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
