i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
