god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
