I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
