youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
