Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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