Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
