Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
