someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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