you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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