i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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