We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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