I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
