I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
