Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
