Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
