Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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