she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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