i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
