dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
