dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
