I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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