naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
