Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Semen is not good for contacts.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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