if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
