I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
