Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
