Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
