Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
