I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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