problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
