I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
