so explain again why im purple
no
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
