Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
