I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
