Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
