i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My ass is underappreciated
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
