I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
