He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
