My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
