I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
