Moan for me like Helen Keller
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
