nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
