The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
