Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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