So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
