This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
