actually, I'm a sock model
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
