you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
